


Oltre i confini del blu

by Stria (Asia117)



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, SKAM Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-24 03:08:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13204545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asia117/pseuds/Stria
Summary: Five times Isak's Christmas is completely ruined and one time it goes completely right.





	Oltre i confini del blu

**Author's Note:**

  * For [colazitron](https://archiveofourown.org/users/colazitron/gifts).



> This is for you, H, and believe me when I say that you deserve so much more than just a ficlet, because you're one of the kindest and most beautiful people I've ever met, and you've been and you still are so important to me and I love you. Unfortunately, as you know, the time wasn't exactly right to write you a long fic :P and I just wanted to give you something, and ended up writing this. I hope you can still enjoy it <3

  1. Isak is three.



Isak loooooooooooves Christmas. He loooooooooooves that he gets presents, he

loooooooooooves that he eats yummy stuff, he looooooooooooves that he knows he will get to eat the pepperkakehus, he loooooooooooves that he sees people. He haaaaaaaaaaates cousin Clara ‘cause she always steals his stuff and Mamma tells him to let her play but it’s not fair because it’s his stuff and he doesn’t want to play with cousin Clara’s stuff.

Especially cousin Clara is not allowed to touch is new Action Man that he got for Christmas especially for him by Mamma and Pappa and especially it’s not an Action Man that wants to play with cousin Clara, and especially Action Man doesn’t like tea.

But he looooooooooooves Christmas. Even with cousin Clara playing with his toys. Even with Grandpa acting weird.

“Mum, grandpa?” Isak pulls on Mamma’s sleeve, wants to know why is Grandpa acting so funny and yelling and why is everybody telling him to stop. Mamma looks at him, and she’s not smiling. She just picks him up (Isak looooooooooooooooves when Mamma picks him up) and looks at Pappa.

“Terje, we’d better go,” she says, and Pappa just nods.

Isak cries all the way home, because he wanted to stay at Grandma’s, and he wanted to stuff his face full of food, and he wanted to tell cousin Clara that she wasn’t allowed to play with his Action Man, but instead he gets just normal everyday stuff and hushed conversation between Mamma and Pappa about how Grandpa said he would stop but he didn’t and especially Mamma is very upset about that because Grandpa is Pappa’s Pappa.

He puts his hand in his mashed carrots because he haaaaaaates them and haaaaaaaaaates that his Christmas is ruined now.

 

  1. Isak is six.



Isak knows he shouldn’t be angry at Grandma. It’s not her fault that she went to Heaven on _Lille Julaften_ , and of course they couldn’t very well celebrate, Isak, would you want to celebrate while Mamma is crying so much, wouldn’t you. And no, of course Isak wouldn’t want, because he loves Mamma and he loves Pappa and he loves making them happy but also he loves Christmas and it is just not fair that he doesn’t get to celebrate it because Grandma decided that _Lille Julaften_ was the best day to go to Heaven.

Grandma’s house is silent, filled with people dressed in black, and they won’t let him get in her room because they say it’s not right that kids see this kind of thing. Isak stays in the living room, under the Christmas tree, wich Clara. They lit it, and they want to open the presents under it, but they don’t feel like they’re allowed.

“I think we’re kinda allowed to do what we want right now, nobody cares,” says Clara. Isak shrugs.

“Maybe. But we’re good, we’re not bad. We should open the presents with the others.”

Clara nods, then starts making the tree bells jingle. “I’m hungry,” she says.

Isak is, too.

They find Pappa outside of the living room, and he brings them outside to McDonalds, and gets them Happy Meals. They both get the Pokémon ones, because they both love Pokémon and everybody at Isak’s school say that girls have cooties, but Clara is kinda cool, and Isak doesn’t even know what cooties are anyway.

“Will we get to open our Christmas presents, Pappa?”

“Yeah, of course, we’ll bring them home for you to open them, don’t worry.” Pappa sounds reassuring, but Isak doesn’t really like that their tree home is smaller than the one at Grandma’s, and he just wanted to have a nice Christmas and instead Grandma decided to go to Heaven.

“Why is everyone so sad if Heaven is such a beautiful place, Pappa?”

Pappa cleans Isak’s mouth before answering, and even then it’s a bit before he does. “Because we’re sad that we remain here, Isakje. We wish we were still with Grandma.”

 

  1. Isak is nine.



The tree is big, bigger than ever, because they decided to really go all in in the living room. The lights are white, and the angel on top of the tree has big fluffy wings that make the pair with the glass balls with feathers inside.

It’s beautiful.

Everybody is dressed nicely, Isak even wore his nice shirt because it’s the Holy Christmas and they’re all there to celebrate the birthday of Baby Jesus in this world. Clara has a nice velvet red dress, Mamma is wearing her pearl necklace, and Pappa wore a red tie with a snowman drawn at the end of it.

Mamma smiles nervously when they sit at the table, and tells Isak to be careful. Isak wants to ask of what, exactly, but he just nods and sits close to Clara, because they get special food for Christmas and it’s the best thing ever. Because they don’t really like fish and they don’t want to eat fish so they get meat and it’s great.

“I bet I can finish the dish way faster than you,” says Clara and she’s smiling sweetly. Isak squints.

“I bet you are a lying liar who lies,” he answers. “We start at one?”

Clara nods. At her one, they start stuffing their face as fast as possible, and Isak honestly can’t lose to her because he’s always the one who eat the most and he can’t absolutely lose a food related challenge because that wouldn’t be right at all.

They don’t really see it coming.

The moment before Isak was chewing as fast as he could, and the moment after, Mamma is screaming and Pappa jumped to his feet and is trying to take her arms but she won’t let herself be taken and takes her plate and throws it at him and Pappa ducks and the plate goes flying towards the wall and it breaks and the food stains the wall and Isak doesn’t understand.

Mamma is screaming about people watching her, about people following her, and Pappa finally gets to her arms and takes her forcefully to the couch and then Grandpa takes Isak and Clara out of the dining room and into the bedroom that they share when they sleep there, and puts on _The Lion King_ for them, and the volume is high but Isak can still hear the screams under it. He cuddles up to Clara and cries lowly, without even watching the movie.

Clara is sniffling too, and her hand caresses his long hair kind of automatically. They get under the cover and the last thing Isak remembers thinking is that he wants Mamma and Pappa with him.

 

  1. Isak is twelve.



Mamma doesn’t get better after that. If anything, she gets worse.

She doesn’t really get out of her room that much now, and when she does it’s to scream and to tell Isak that the only Salvation is Jesus and he should be Saved too. Isak doesn’t like Jesus. Isak doesn’t like what he did to Mamma. Isak has got a new best friend, and he doesn’t want to tell Mamma about it because Jonas is Jewish, and doesn’t want Mamma to react badly to the news. Isak doesn’t care that Jonas is Jewish, but Mamma surely will, and he doesn’t want to be prevented from seeing him. Jonas is cool and he’s learning to go on the skateboard and Jonas’ mum is always nice to him and they eat amazing stuff, and Isak loves being at Jonas’ house much more than he loves being in his room these days.

He’s all dressed up for Christmas, because that’s what he does every year, and because he desperately wants some semblance of normalcy in is life, but it doesn’t seem like they’re going anywhere. He can hear Pappa trying to convince Mamma to get out of the house, and he’s been going at it for the past hour, but Mamma doesn’t want to. Mamma gets out of the house for going to Mass and that’s it. And even then, she always comes back with a strange look in her eyes and saying that people have followed her home and they need to check everything.

They stop screaming, and he hears Pappa coming towards his room, and knocking on the door. He doesn’t wait for Isak to answer, and opens the door, pops his head in, looks at him with a forced smile on his face.

“What do you say to eat here and order out, buddy?”

Isak looks at him and doesn’t answer, just shrugs and think about Jonas’ mum inviting him at home for the start of Hanukkah and them lighting the candles and praying all together as a family. Isak didn’t know the prayers, but he smiled all the way through.

They order Chinese, because it’s one of the only places that’s open on Christmas. Isak munches on his spring roll and thinks that he’s never hated Chinese more than he does now.

Pappa keeps his eyes fixed on his plate, doesn’t look at Mamma once.

 

  1. Isak is fifteen.



His dad hasn’t been home in three days.

It’s not the longest he’s been out, because he works a lot, and lately he’s been picking up more and more shifts, but it’s Christmas’ Eve, and he’s not home. Isak tries to call him another time, but his phone is shut off. He throws the phone on his bed, and throws himself over it.

It’s difficult to think; he can’t drive, and his mum is in no conditions to. She’s always in her room, coming off just to go to mass, and otherwise reading her gospel obsessively. They haven’t been in contact with the rest of the family for a while, and he doesn’t want to contact them to be with them, alone, on a holiday that should be cancelled.

They don’t even have the tree this year. No tree, no lights, no nothing. There’s more christmas at Jonas’ house, and his family is Jewish.

(Jonas’ mum invited Isak for the first night of Hanukkah, and it was so beautiful, and there was so much happiness in the air that Isak thought he was back in time to when he was a child.)

He angrily wipes out a tear that escaped on his cheek, and gest off his bed, ready to make something for dinner at least, so Mamma can eat.

He’s not great in the kitchen, but he throws together some veggies and boils a bit of pasta, to make her something healthy and make her eat something. It’s not right that he has to take care of her because his dad refuses to, he thinks, but he doesn’t know what else to do.

He knocks lightly and waits for a feeble “come in” to open the door. Mamma looks really thin and not put together at all. It’s been a while since her last crisis, when she started throwing plates around and broke all of the ones they used. Isak’s using the good Sunday service now, and she doesn’t even seem to care, even if it was a wedding present from her mother and she used to love it and be very careful with it.

“I have something to eat for you, Mamma,” he says lowly. Mamma looks at him and looks _through_ him.

“Yes, Terje,” she says. “Did you check that car outside?”

There are no cars outside. “Yes, I told them to go away.”

Mamma nods, seemingly content. “What is that?”

Isak offers her the pasta with veggies, and she seems content enough to eat half the plate, and drink two glasses of water. She refuses the rest, and keeps reading the gospel as if Isak weren’t in the room anymore.

He sighs, brings down her plate, then goes up to his room again.

_Are you up for a round of fifa_ he sends Jonas.

_Gimme five minutes bro_ comes the answer, and Isak puts on his headphones waiting for the call to come.

Jonas keeps chatting about his sister who’s being particularly annoying the more she grows up and, bless him, never mentions christmas during the call.

 

+1. Isak is eighteen.

“Ready?” Isak smiles at Mamma, who’s dressed up at her best, even with her pearl necklace.

“Of course,” she murmurs. She just got out of the church, and she’s still holding her rosary and passing it between her fingers. “I’ll never get used to the fact that you have a car now.”

“Well, it’s better for you, isn’t it?” Isak laughs and turns on the engine. “Imagine if you had to make all this trip on a bike.”

Mamma turns up her nose. “ _Isak_. I would have called a taxi.”

Isak laughs again. “Of course, of course. Silly me.”

During the trip Mamma asks how his classes are going, because she knows that medicine is a difficult faculty, and Isak was so great to get in, and she’s so proud of him. Isak tries not to let it get to his head, but he puffs out his chest when he hears that.

Everything is going okay, of course, and yes, also with Even, they’re still living together, yes. And how is she doing in that centre?

Mamma smiles and shakes her head. “They’re keeping me full of pills, you know. I’m feeling better though, less foggy.”

Isak smiles. “That’s good,” he says. “This way your brain can work better.”

Getting back in Oslo from the countryside where the facility is situated is not a long trip. Mamma got here first last year, because his dad understood that she needed more than he could give. Isak is still not really on speaking terms with him, but he can understand why he did it. Especially since he, too, left her alone for a while.

(Even and his therapist tell him that’s not his fault, that he was sixteen and nobody should have that situation at sixteen. It’s still a difficult pill to swallow.)

They arrive at four and a half. “Just in time,” Mamma murmurs, and then adjusts her hair with shaky hands. “Are they nice?” she asks.

“They are,” says Isak, and kisses her hair. “And you’re perfect. They will like you.”

It’s Airin who opens the door, and greets Isak with a big hug. “And you should be Marianne,” she says smiling. “Isak talked about you a lot. I’m Airin.”

Mamma smiles a bit too big, and tries to shake her hand, but Airin hugs her too. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Even comes out of the kitchen wearing an apron with _KISS THE COOK_ written on it. And well, Isak can’t really disobey written laws, can he? “Hi baby.”

“Did the trip go okay?” Even looks at him intensely, holding Isak’s face in his hands. “You’re not tired, aren’t you?”

“Of course not, baby. Mamma’s much better now, can’t you see?”

(Even met Mamma when Isak was moving with him. Mamma was already taking meds and seeing a psychiatrist, but she wasn’t as good as she looks now. She did take a liking to Even, though. They had a bit of a bonding time.)

“Yeah, I can see,” Even says, but keeps his gaze on Isak. “I’m so proud of you, baby.”

Mamma meets Sábin a few minutes later, when she comes out of the kitchen with soft drinks to have before starting the dinner. They sit down around the fire, and Isak looks at her getting more and more comfortable with the conversation, blending in seamlessly and getting into an animated discussion about politics with Even’s mums.

Even kisses his lobe. “They got into politics even before the dinner, this is going to be fun,” he murmurs, and Isak shivers despite himself, elbows Even.

“This is really not the time,” he hisses, but smiles at Even’s words. “I’m glad they’re getting along, I was a bit afraid.”

“Families meeting and all.” Even nods. “They look very comfortable though.”

It’s honestly a relief. They pass from the fireplace to the table, and Even helped Sábin with the pork and the salad, so Isak makes a great show of taking another portion of both.

Even rolls his eyes, but his cheeks are red in pleasure.

After the dinner, they decide to put on some cheesy Christmas music, and Isak makes Mamma dance a bit to Michael Bublé till her cheeks are ruddy and her hairdo is ruffled. She adjusts herself with her nose turned up, but she can’t stop smiling so big her eyes are all crinkled at the corners.

They exchange presents well before midnight, because Mamma has to go back to the facility to sleep, but she doesn’t seem to mind. She smiles big at the earrings and necklace they all pooled together to get her, and insists to kiss everyone on the cheek.

Mamma got everyone householding objects: Sábin and Airin get a set of wine glasses, and Even gets expensive-looking knives. “Because I know who does all the cooking,” says Mamma, and winks.

Isak laughs unabashedly, and accepts his present, a crocheted duvet. Mamma must have spent so much time making it, and it’s so beautiful and so refined, it almost hurts. “Thank you, Mamma.”

Sábin and Airin got him and even a washing machine, and they got a paid weekend to their favourite spa. “It’s a testament to how much we’ve grown that I’m so happy about a washing machine,” Even comments, and everybody laughs.

Mamma falls asleep during the trip home, and Isak drives slowly, trying not to wake her up, humming along to the Ida Maria CD Even left in the car.

He wakes her up gently, takes her up to her room holding her present, and greets the night nurse with a nod and a whispered _merry Christmas_. Mamma doesn’t talk till she’s tucked into bed, and even then, at first Isak doesn’t hear the murmurs.

“What did you say, Mamma?”

“I said, that’s the best Christmas I’ve ever had. I love you, Isakje.”

Isak hugs her long and hard, and kisses her on both cheeks before going back to his car.

Even opens the door to their flat before he’s even finished going up the stairs, and Isak practically leaps into his arms. They hug long and hard for a while, swaying a bit, before finally closing the door.

“Mamma said it was the best Christmas she’s ever had.”

Even smiles big. “I’d say it’s one of my top three too, honestly. I loved it.”

“Definitely top three, and the food helped a lot. Especially the pork and the salad.”

Even reddens and elbows him. “Shut up, you flatterer.”

“It’s the only way I’ll keep you cooking for me, isn’t it? By flattering you.” Isak kisses the smile off Even’s lips sweetly, slowly. “I still have to give you my gift.”

“In bed?”

“In bed.”

They put on their pyjamas and prepare themselves for bed, taking out their boxes sitting with their legs crossed, smiling.

“You go first,” says Isak.

His present to Even is simple, and not expensive at all. He kept a diary, and wrote every day something that he likes about Even. He tried to draw, but he’s shit at drawing, not like Even, but he tried all the same. He watches Even opening the present, unravelling it slowly as not to tear open the paper, watches his eyes light up when he thinks it’s a new notebook, and then watches him opening it and reading page after page, and then Even tackles him to the bed, and Isak feels his neck a bit wet.

“Fuck you, now my present will look terrible,” he says.

Isak just pinches him in the ribs so he squirms. “I’m sure it will be amazing, come on.”

The package is discreet, medium, and kind of soft. Isak rips open the paper, and what he sees inside makes him flush down till his chest.

“Ropes, Even,” he says. “Really.”

Even just grins. “Want to try them now?”

They’re amazing, probably hemp, and they’re bound to leave marks on the skin. Isak smirks. “Well, it would be a shame not to try them on now.”

They kiss, just as the clock in their living room is marking midnight.


End file.
